Are you stuck?

Most of us have gotten stuck in the past at one time or another; sometimes for long periods of time.

Unfortunately, the past is a very unproductive place to be: it steals opportunity and joy. By affecting today, it diminishes tomorrow as well. It is essential to move on.

But how? Here are some tips from someone who also has been stuck:

Forgive what needs to be forgiven.

Forgiveness is for you. It is in your own best self-interest. Hard? Yes it can be. But forgiving is essential. In instructing the disciples how to pray, Jesus said: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Jesus said that if “you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive you.” Later, He told a parable that concludes if we don’t forgive from our hearts, the Father will turn us over to the torturers.

But sometimes knowing you need to forgive isn’t enough. The memory of something horrible, something unfair, something hurtful may stymie you.

The key is to choose to forgive even if you don’t feel like it. This is an act of the will. It is a choice. It is not a feeling. God is gracious and often gives us the feelings later. But initially it is a choice which you, in fact, can make. Don’t confuse “can’t” with “won’t.” You can. The question is whether you will.

Here are a few things that might help. Reframe things by separating the person from what the person did. The person who hurt you is a flawed human being. S/he was damaged in some way. What they did had everything to do with the hurt person they were and, perhaps, little or even nothing to do with you. Their intention might have been different than their impact. Remember we are all sinners; we are all living in a fallen world.

Once, when I was stuck and hadn’t yet forgiven the person, I heard the Lord say to me: “If not now, when?” Good question. If you haven’t yet forgiven someone, but know you need to, if you don’t do it now, when will you? I urge you to forgive now and start healing.

Confess what needs to be confessed.

One definition of maturity is that we know which stuff to own. Sometimes adults blame themselves for hurt done to them when they were young children, when it was really solely the problem of the person doing the hurting. The horrible tales of child abuse and neglect, for example, do not require confession on the part of the child, but do require the now-adult to forgive.

However, for hurts later in life, there is usually some contribution by the hurt party, even if it was just denial or failure to confront.

Almost always for those stuck in the past, regardless of how old we were when it happened, there is a need to confess lack of forgiveness. So—back to Step 1

Learn what can be learned.

 This step goes along with, but is different than, Step 2. Capturing lessons gives us the opportunity to not only grow and mature ourselves, but gives us the ability to help others in similar spots. It helps us do things differently the next time. It helps bring goodness out of bad.

Forget what lies behind and press forward to what lies ahead.

Paul called himself the chief of sinners. He persecuted, and participated in murder. And yet he was the author of much of the New Testament. He started churches. He preached and exhorted. He is seen as a spiritual giant. He told the Philippians about one thing he did: “…forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3: 13b-14)

Someone told a wonderful story about a mistake made by a nephew and how the nephew agonized about what he had done: “If only I hadn’t done that…” The uncle knew his nephew was on the road to healing when the nephew said: “Next time, I’ll…” Monitor your thinking. Are you saying “if only” or are you saying “next time?” “If only” is focused on the past, on regrets, and indicates you’re stuck. “Next time” indicates you have learned from the event and are moving on.

Do your best to forgive. Do your best to understand, confess and learn from how you might have contributed to the situation (and do your best not to take blame that isn’t yours to own). Then move on. Move forward. Train yourself to forget what lies behind and press forward to what lies ahead.

And repeat!

The first four steps are usually not a one-time deal. The deeper the hurt, the more likely all four steps will need to be repeated. That’s okay. The second cycle reveals important information you didn’t have the first time; things you’d forgotten; hurts you couldn’t face the first time; new thoughts about how you might have contributed.

The clue for when to repeat these four steps is when you start thinking more about past events or when resentment or anger resurfaces. Or, sometimes, when you become aware you’ve lost your joy.

The retinal surgeon made three holes in my eye, and cut out most of the inside of the eyeball. This is making me better?!

Any surgery makes a hole in the body where there is not supposed to be a hole. This is supposed to make the patient whole?

Yet, in order to become well, surgery may be necessary. Surgery is an example of making it worse to make it better.

Trials, for the Christian, are another example. We experience trials and suffering, which make life worse, but are promised that those very trials and suffering make us better.

We are promised that trials and suffering:

1. Produce endurance, leading to character, and character to hope (Romans 5:3-4)
2. Produce steadfastness (James 1:2)
3. Result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:6-7)

We are to:

1. Rejoice in our sufferings, anticipating the good to follow (Romans 5:3)
2. Count trials all joy, knowing the good results we’ll see (James 1:2)
3. Rejoice, knowing we’ll experience joy at the coming of Christ (1 Peter 1:6)

In order to rejoice during trials and suffering, to count trials all joy, to agree to surgery, we must take the long view. The benefits of surgery are expected to outweigh the risks.

Children of God are promised unimaginable joy. That long view is a sure thing.

Rejoice.

Also see Joy in the Journey, How to Get Through It, and What’s So Good about Bad?

My dad was in the Navy in WWII. When he sailed under the Golden Gate Bridge, heading to war, he said he was relieved to start what must be finished.

In order to finish anything, we must start. We must have our goal in mind, and we must get on with it. If we’re scared, we must do it scared. (See Do it Scared.)

My goal is to hear my Lord say to me: “Well done.” I certainly do better, day by day, when I keep that goal in mind.

Jesus set his face to go to Jerusalem (Luke 9:51), knowing He would suffer and be crucified. But He kept on, day by day, and died so that we might live.

My first eye surgery is this next Wednesday. Yes, I’m apprehensive, even with lots of prayer. But I know retinal surgery is the path to improved vision, or, at least, the path to maintain the vision I still have. Delay worsens my condition.

The Lord God helps me; therefore I have set my face like flint. (Isaiah 50:7) So I am eager to begin what must be finished.

Is there something you must start in order to reach your goal? What are you going to do about it?

This was a hard post to write.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the risen Son of God, and trust Him, and Him alone, to save me and give me eternal life.

My vision is poor due to retinal conditions in both eyes that require surgery. I cannot, by myself, correct my vision. Only God can heal me, and He may use physicians and medicine in the process. I am praying for guidance in selecting the “right” doctor, and will pray for his or her skill and wisdom in treating me. I am praying God restores my vision.

I love God and know He loves me. He is sovereign and I believe whatever happens to my eyesight will be used by Him to make me more into the image of Christ, and to equip me to serve Him.

The Temptation

God’s answer to my prayer for restored vision might be “Yes, now,” “Yes, later,” or “No.” As God’s child I need to submit to Him and be grateful for His answer.But I am still praying for the “Yes, now” answer.

Here is the temptation. My sin, our sin, Eve’s sin, is to want to be like God, to be self-reliant, to be large and in charge.

Do I look to my faith? Or to God, in whom I have faith? Do I need to work myself up to confidence/faith in the outcome I want? If I focus on my faith instead of my God, I am looking to myself.

Do I look to my prayers? Or to God who answers prayers? If I look to my prayers, I might worry about whether my prayers are fervent enough, or eloquent enough, or frequent enough. Would I increase my chances of restored vision if I enlist others to pray for me? Lots of people? Should I seek out prayer chains? Is there safety in numbers? I might worry whether I am on the “right” prayer chain, or whether enough people are praying for me. Or whether the “right” people are praying for me.

My faith doesn’t save me. Jesus Christ saves me. My prayers won’t, in themselves, result in improved vision. My sovereign, loving God determines my vision.

Looking to my faith or my prayers is a reflection of deep-set sin, wanting to be like God and looking to myself for the answers.

Submission

Do I want God’s best for me? Or do I want restored vision? I want both. But what if God’s best for me is not restored vision? Or worse?

Am I willing to consistently pray for restored vision, but end my prayer as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane, saying, “Yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

The cynical side of me says I might as well since I am totally out of control anyway.

But as a child of God, I want to please my loving Father, who wants the best for me. I want a humble faith.

Father, I am totally dependent on You. I intellectually know that whatever happens will bring good in my life, both now and for eternity. You know I long for restored vision. Help me want, even more, whatever You want for me. Please help me pray, and mean it, “not my will, but Yours be done.”

I really need a good talking-to.

Yep. And I’m not alone.

David, the sweet singer of Israel, reminded himself to bless the Lord and not to forget all His benefits.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits” (Psalm 103:2)

David then enumerated some of God’s benefits, from forgiveness to steadfast love.

Another psalmist asked himself why he was in despair and reminded himself that he would again praise God.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” (Psalm 42:5)

The 77^th Psalm begins with the psalmist’s soul refusing to be comforted. But, then, he gave himself a good talking-to: he remembered all God’s wonders, His deeds, His holiness, and His strength. He remembered His redemption. He meditated on God.

We’re blessed to remember

We are blessed if our delight is in the Lord (Psalm 1).

We are told to study the works of God (Psalm 111:2).

We are comforted to remember Him (Psalm 119:52).

We are to remember Christ’s sacrifice. (Luke 22:19)

We are to put on the whole armor of God to stand firm in these troubled times, and first, we fasten on the belt of truth. (Ephesians 6:10-15)

Focusing on the truth alters our perspective and rearranges our attitude.

My Talking-To

When I was first diagnosed with retinal eye issues, I gave myself a talking-to, reminding myself of:

1. God’s sovereignty and love (See Practical Exam).
2. My position with God because of my faith in Christ (See Christian Rights and Responsibilities?)
3. The Lord singing over me (See The Lord Sings Over Us).
4. God bringing good out of apparent bad (See What’s So Good about Bad?).

Really, the list is endless, but I forget and get my eyes off Him and onto my worries.

Clearly, I need a good talking-to.

How about you?

When life goes awry, when temptation comes, the key to victory is focus on the Lord.

Temptation

When Christ was tempted, He didn’t look at the bread, He looked at the Word of God.

“But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread along, but on every work that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’”” (Matthew 4:4)

 Suffering

When Paul was imprisoned, he didn’t look at his chains, but at how his circumstances were for the cause of Christ.

“Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel, so that my imprisonment in the cause of Christ has become well known throughout the whole praetorian guard and to everyone else, and that most of the brethren, trusting in the Lord because of my imprisonment, have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear.” (Philippians 1:12–14)

 Anxiety

When you’re anxious, don’t look at your situation, but to pray.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6–7)

 How

1.  Catch yourself looking at the wrong things, e.g. focusing on your pain, or your disappointment, or your worries.
2.  Train yourself to stop whenever you feel other than positive or neutral.
3.  Remind yourself of God’s sovereignty and love for you. You don’t understand what is going on, you are suffering, but God is in control and will bring good out of whatever is happening (or will happen).
4.  Set your mind on God’s interests, not your own. (Mark 8:33)
5.  “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)
6.  Speak to yourself “in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:19)
7.  “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” (Colossians 3:16)
8.  Pray.

 Prepare

It is easier to keep your focus on the Lord if you saturate your mind with Him. This is not a “little dab will do ya,” this is a continual, intentional activity and frame of mind.

1.  Habitually study the Word of God.
2.  Habitually read, listen, and watch what informs you about the Lord and which draws you closer to Him.
3.  Dwell on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent, or worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8)
4.  Memorize scripture and (good) hymns. Storing scripture and hymns in your heart helps “the word of Christ richly dwell within you,” and enables you to pull out the truth at any time.
5.  Pray without ceasing, keeping your focus where it belongs, on your all-sufficient Lord.

 Practice

Don’t leave the world, or leave your secular job. Instead, do everything for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31) It is possible to grow in Christ in the midst of our daily routines. We have to be in the world, but we do not have to be like the world.

Focusing on the Lord through life’s daily challenges takes practice. Do the best you can day by day. You’ll see growth. Guaranteed.

The news is brimming with segments about our “rights.” There are human rights, labor rights, LGBT rights, reproductive rights, disability rights, patient rights, prisoner rights, privacy rights, free speech rights, fair trial rights, and bill of rights. We hear about the right to life, the right to work, and the right to die. And on and on. Often (usually?) responsibilities are minimized and entitlements enhanced.

Do Christians have rights before God?

The dictionary defines “rights” as “something due a person who has a just or legal claim. An “entitlement program” is when the government guarantees to provide benefits to a particular group. “Rights” is a person-centered concept, and includes their “right” to demand their “rights.”

On the other hand, we, the children of God, have been saved as a gift of God. We didn’t earn eternal life, and cannot demand it. Our salvation is God-centered. He chose to save us.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8–9)

We, His children, are to live in dependent humility before Him, not demanding, but confidently living assured of His love and our position with Him.

Our Position

Just from the book of Ephesians, we were:

1. Chosen that we should be holy and blameless before Him
2. Adopted, making us members of God’s household, and heirs of God
3. Redeemed and reconciled to God
4. Sealed with the Holy Spirit, the guarantee of our inheritance
5. Blessed with every spiritual blessing
6. Made alive with Christ
7. Seated with God in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus
8. Given access to the Father through Christ Jesus in the Spirit.

These are not rights we can demand, but gifts we have been given.

Our Responsibilities

Responsibilities are sometimes listed along with rights. Health plans, for example, have “Member Rights and Responsibilities.” Well, except Medicare which has “Medicare Rights and Protections.” When a person focuses on their rights and forgets their responsibilities, problems inevitably ensue.

The book of Ephesians includes three key responsibilities for the child of God who has been given everything. We are to:

1. Walk in the good works God prepared for us
2. Walk in a manner worthy of our calling
3. Grow up in everyway into Christ

Assurance

We aren’t entitled; we’re assured.

We aren’t demanding; we’re grateful.

We‘ve been given an incredible gift.

Our position before God is guaranteed, and we should consciously and consistently be assured that He is faithful and keeps all His promises.

We can boldly and confidently access our Father through Christ (Ephesians 3:12)

We have gifts to open. And that is our right and our responsibility!

One of my earliest memories is my mother holding and rocking me, singing that she loved me more than “tongue could tell.”

Cool, huh.

Of course, as a very young girl, I heard “tunkin tell,” and wondered if it had something to do with pumpkins.

Many “chick flicks” have scenes where the man sings a love song to his gal. Aaahhh.

Guys—sorry—I cannot think of an action movie where the gal sings to the guy. But you get the idea.

The thrilling news, far better than the best chick flick, better than my mom singing to me, is that the Lord sings over us, His children.

Your Lord rejoices over you with gladness … He exults over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

The verse actually refers to the time Israel will be redeemed. But we, His children, are redeemed now, and the rejoicing has begun. There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. (Luke 15:10)

The Lord tells us, over and over, how much He loves us. He shows us, over and over, how much He loves us. He rejoices over us, and exults over us with loud singing.

Lord, help us grasp, really grasp, how very much You love us.