This was a hard post to write.
I believe in Jesus Christ, the risen Son of God, and trust Him, and Him alone, to save me and give me eternal life.
My vision is poor due to retinal conditions in both eyes that require surgery. I cannot, by myself, correct my vision. Only God can heal me, and He may use physicians and medicine in the process. I am praying for guidance in selecting the “right” doctor, and will pray for his or her skill and wisdom in treating me. I am praying God restores my vision.
I love God and know He loves me. He is sovereign and I believe whatever happens to my eyesight will be used by Him to make me more into the image of Christ, and to equip me to serve Him.
God’s answer to my prayer for restored vision might be “Yes, now,” “Yes, later,” or “No.” As God’s child I need to submit to Him and be grateful for His answer.But I am still praying for the “Yes, now” answer.
Here is the temptation. My sin, our sin, Eve’s sin, is to want to be like God, to be self-reliant, to be large and in charge.
Do I look to my faith? Or to God, in whom I have faith? Do I need to work myself up to confidence/faith in the outcome I want? If I focus on my faith instead of my God, I am looking to myself.
Do I look to my prayers? Or to God who answers prayers? If I look to my prayers, I might worry about whether my prayers are fervent enough, or eloquent enough, or frequent enough. Would I increase my chances of restored vision if I enlist others to pray for me? Lots of people? Should I seek out prayer chains? Is there safety in numbers? I might worry whether I am on the “right” prayer chain, or whether enough people are praying for me. Or whether the “right” people are praying for me.
My faith doesn’t save me. Jesus Christ saves me. My prayers won’t, in themselves, result in improved vision. My sovereign, loving God determines my vision.
Looking to my faith or my prayers is a reflection of deep-set sin, wanting to be like God and looking to myself for the answers.
Do I want God’s best for me? Or do I want restored vision? I want both. But what if God’s best for me is not restored vision? Or worse?
Am I willing to consistently pray for restored vision, but end my prayer as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane, saying, “Yet not my will, but Yours be done.”
The cynical side of me says I might as well since I am totally out of control anyway.
But as a child of God, I want to please my loving Father, who wants the best for me. I want a humble faith.
Father, I am totally dependent on You. I intellectually know that whatever happens will bring good in my life, both now and for eternity. You know I long for restored vision. Help me want, even more, whatever You want for me. Please help me pray, and mean it, “not my will, but Yours be done.”